Thursday, 29 August 2013

The end is nigh...

I am now the proud owner of a tattoo!!! Ok it's not a cryptic personal message from my beloved engraved in a wreath of hearts, nor my little boys name written in Hebrew script, or even a spiritual meaningful colourful sign with stars, rainbows & the like.. No today I had my nipple tattooed.. ouch i hear you flinch.  Not the nipple itself but actually the area around it (Areola is the correct name).

I think I was more nervous for this today than any of my previous treatments, because I knew I was going to be awake throughout & definitely the thought of a needle, all be it a tattoo needle, piercing a very delicate area that has already got a scar across it, did frighten the life out of me.  That's the problem with the unknown, fear of the unknown is often worse than the fear itself (if you get what I mean).  In my thoughts I had built up this experience to be much worse than it actually was.  

My appointment was in a very nice cosmetic clinic in Harley street, by a lovely lady technician called Karen Betts (  After completing medical & consent forms she then matched up the colour to my natural nipple and drew it on with a lip liner, I then laid down and she began to tattoo!!! I was squeezing husbands hand so hard, crying, trying to zone out, control my breathing and relax all at the same time, when I realised I couldn't feel anything.  Well for most of it, there were a couple of stinging seconds and then it was done. Never have I felt such relief and the bonus prize is It looks like an areola/nipple.  Of course it's still doesn't feel like one (it doesn't feel anything or anyone as I've moaned & ranted about in previous blogs) but if I was to take up glamour modelling or decided for some inane reason I wanted to sunbathe topless (never again tooooo dangerous) I wouldn't look out of place or like a nippleless freak.. At last I look the same as everyone else...ish

Talking of sunbathing I have just come back from a week 'alone' in Spain!! My gorgeous generous kind unselfish husband sent me & I had a blissful few days relaxing in the sun with NO ONE TO LOOK AFTER!!  I mean by this the child was left at home (obviously not on his own) as was the husband & I had some precious quality time with my daddy & then some girly fun with my gorgeous friend Dani.

As I mentioned in my last blog I've been trying really hard to keep healthy & fit, by eating well & exercising, all part of my cancer prevention plan.  So last week I started 'hot yoga' which is amazing!! 
A bloody hard 90 mins workout in a very hot room, but my thighs are thanking me for it (most of you don't know but I have a bit of an obsession with thin toned thighs). is a gorgeous new yoga studio which has opened up 2 mins from my house, so I have no excuse, & I am trying to get my butt there at least twice a week.  

Whilst writing I wanted to take the opportunity to thank a few people (may as well do it publicly).  First and foremost as usual the most important man in my life 'husband' - big huge massive thank you for my 'alone' holiday, and also for being with me every step of the way throughout this tough, emotional, frightening journey. I couldn't of done this or come this far without you.. You are my rock, my hero, my love.

Secondly my parents & inlaws (my other mum), there are no thanks enough for the help, love & support we get from you all, especially with your grandchildren!!! So please know how eternally grateful I am with every babysitting chore, meal cooked & general overhaul of love & affection!

I also have to mention my fab hairdresser Lara ( who cut my hair off last week & as always made me feel like a new woman.. You have truly helped throughout my recovery more than you know, with our make overs & gossip sessions & your help looking after Harry when I've had no one else to ask. 

Lastly & as always my wonderful friends (you know who you are), just a general thank you for always being there, caring & supporting me in all I do.

So as I am nearing the end of this horrific experience, ( just one more tattoo touch up appointment in November & another follow up appoint with the hospital in October),  I can start to reflect on the past year & how it has changed my life dramatically.  

I can maybe start to live again without constant Doctor and hospital appointments, with a better outlook to the future & really start to enjoy all the good things that are coming my way without the grey cloud hanging over.  

However in no means can I slack for even a second when it comes to worrying, checking & helping to bring awareness regarding breast cancer.  It's everywhere, it's affecting more & more women & young girls every day!! It's an epidemic that is taking over the world!!! Male, female, young, old, Cancer doesn't care who you are, only you can care for yourselves and help protect your bodies!! 

Please check your boobs today.. Do it now whilst you're reading this, or in the shower tonight, or for a bit of fun get your partner to do it ;) Please just do it.. you could be saving your life!

Love, peace & healthy boobs...


Ps. Husband is taking part in 'Tri for life' next week, raising money for breakthrough breast cancer so if you want to sponsor him pls go to

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

Bikini bliss....

So today I write this in very different surroundings, I've just spent a blissful morning sunbathing on the end of a jetty half way out into the Mediterranean Sea, the warm breeze blowing my hair, & the hot Turkish sun beating down on me...  For the first time in a long while I was able to fully relax - mind, body & soul :)

For those of you interested in the bikini saga, you'll be pleased to know all is ok!!  A sigh of relief - I haven't let the fashionable people down.. Lol. Now don't get me wrong I would have my old boobs back in a heart beat, but as that is unable to happen, 2nd best is feeling happy with how I'm looking whilst sunning myself.  My bikinis fit well (primark rocks) whilst hiding a multitude of sins, my boobs actually look very pert.  A killer cleavage if I do say so myself..  All that worrying in John Lewis & trailing the Internet for post reconstructive surgery swimwear, for nothing.

The weirdest sensation is swimming, for some reason it's quite difficult as my chest area feels very tight in the water & even a few strokes are proving tiring & awkward.  There goes my promise of 50 lengths a day.. Ok so it was 30. I want to say huge big thanks to my lovely pool buddies Hayley & Nic nic for their words of encouragement & flattery every morning as I disrobe.

As you've guessed I'm on my well deserved holiday & having a truly wonderful time, the kids are behaving beautifully & with so much for them to do it's just fab.  The  best bit of all for me is not having to cook or clear up, it may sound ridiculous but for someone with my level of OCD, the fact I can walk away from a table full of dirty plates & glasses is heaven itself!

With only a few more days to go then back home to reality & the continuing saga of my story I have to face my next upcoming event -my nipple tattooing is booked in for a couple of weeks time.  I am generally very nervous about this even though my well inked husband has told me it won't hurt "that much!!!!" and the surrounding area being slightly numb, but with my fear of needles & obviously another trip to hospital (albeit a cosmetic one this time) I'm still feeling anxious & frightened.

Whilst writing this I can't not mention a HUGE congratulations to my oldest friend Sara & her lovely new fiancĂ© Malcom on their engagement!!!  May the coming months bring you strength, hope & an abundance of love.. 

Also for any of you needing a little bit of inspiration in your life right now, including some healthy eating & way of life tips please follow my beautiful friend 'Chica Yoga' on Facebook, I'm using her to help turn my life around into a healthier, happier new & improved me, you can too!

So for now it's back to the sun lounger as got some work to do... On my tan :)