10.10 am Thursday 29th November 2012 mum & I are waiting to see a plastic surgeon to discuss reconstructive surgery. This all seems so surreal, even now as I'm writing.
First thing I notice as we sit down is the same box of tissues positioned on the desk!!! Bloody hell enough with the crying encouragement! Anyway I've made a deal with myself, if I get through today without tears I can have the walnut whip that's sitting in mums fridge.. Pathetic what us women do regarding chocolate!!!
The nurse takes me behind the curtain, I undress & the Dr has a look at the culprits (that's what I've taken to calling them now), & once I'm dressed & back behind the desk he proceeds to tell me the 2 options that are open to me.
First option, that he doesn't like to do because he says the result isn't that good (errrrr great!!!) consists of a mesh netting being used in place of the muscle, and he would need to take fat from my body to make this mesh, but unfortunately I'm too thin!!!!! Hah!!!! Can you believe it first time in my life I'm actually too thin!!! I mean I know this is all so awful & devastating what's happening to me, but if there's any light at the end of the tunnel he just hit it.. Bring on the walnut whips I say, tears or no tears!
2nd option even more horrific than the first but has much better results, his words. "we will try to get them as symmetrical as possible, but they will never be exactly the same". Whaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He then tells me he will have to cut open my back to remove the muscle & swing it around to the front, this is so the implant can then be placed behind the muscle. So not only will I have the front scars to deal with, I will also have 2 scars on my back + the added pain & recuperating time etc. He will then shave a bit off my rib to keep to use when making me a fake nipple, both nipples have to be removed & skin is also taken from my back to fill in the hole of the missing nipples, once I'm healed 4/5 months later I can have them reconstructed & tattooed on.
I'm obviously looking slightly shocked at all this & can hear my mum asking about the first option again, the one without the back muscle removed & he seems to be dismissing her ever so subtly, but dismissing her none the less. She then asks to see some photos of results to which he says I haven't really got any of those..
All in all I'm not really digging this guy & his awful bedside manner. I'm not stupid I know I'm just a number to him, but surely he must have been taught at medical school how to ensure that a patient places their trust in him & made to feel a little comfortable & relaxed about their forthcoming ordeal!
I can see mums now getting a bit irate & her voice is taking that don't mess with me tone, as she keeps asking the same question & he keeps turning it around to his way of answering & not even sounding polite with it.
I'm thinking lets get out of here & then I must of said something, because next thing I know we're in the car & yes you guessed it I'm in floods!!!
NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY am I having that guy perform any surgery on me, how can that be the only way to do this... There must be another simpler way!!
We need a 2nd opinion!!!!!!!!